On this holiday morning, are you worried about selecting quite the right present for a loved one? I always try, but everywhere I turn I’m bombarded with impractical ideas. No, I have no desire for a candle with a poultry aroma, for the simple reason we’ll be cooking turkey. Nor do I want a dawn-simulating clock, because I can leave the curtains open achieves the same thing. I certainly do not want a salmon DNA pink collagen jelly mask, as that genetic material originates in milt. Were I seeking aquatic semen applied to my skin, I would tickle some pollocks.
Finding Ideas From the Animal Kingdom
Therefore, if you constantly search for inspiration, my advice is: take a lesson from wildlife. Humans didn’t invent gifting. The practice has existed for over a hundred million years, well before humans appeared. Aided from natural selection, this has given creatures plenty of time to master gift-giving. Heck, some spiders even gift-wrap their offerings!
Leaving out exercise-related items and other products I don’t like, we can identify five main types of Christmas gift: edibles, things for the home, jewelry, skincare and apparel. Nature's creatures has them all covered.
Culinary Presents: From Protein Snacks to Artisan Kebabs
Brazilian cuckoos offer their mates nutritious morsels including insects, frogs and lizards. However, for those who like their meat skewered, then the great grey shrike, or the butcher bird. The males spear prey, such as insects and mice, onto pointed thorns and twigs crafting artisan kebabs.
Some insects present to their suitors salivary offerings, yet these are not just any spitballs. These represent scorpionfly spitballs, crafted with only the finest saliva from the engorged salivary glands of only the fittest males. The delicacy is nutrient-dense, which is one reason females prefer males with larger gifts.
An additional factor is that the fittest males produce the largest gifts. By "fit" I am not referring to physical appearance, though that may be true. I mean genetic fitness.
These presents are given as a prelude to sex, thus, by selecting the male with the largest gift, the female is choosing superior genes. She then consumes the delicacy while mating but ends intercourse the moment it’s all gone. Bigger spitballs mean longer copulation times, where the male can transfer additional sperm and the female is unable to mate with other males. This clarifies why he bothers with such an elaborate offering.
Homeware and Shiny Objects
Adélie penguins don’t give food, but they do give things for the home. On the icy continent, their home, there is no a hardware shop, so the penguins must gather their gifts from the local landscape. Every mating season, males collect small stones to begin constructing a nest. The vital building blocks are rare, prompting some chancers to pilfer stones from their neighbours. However, when a male gives a pebble to a potential mate, it signals his readiness for commitment. Think of it as the avian version of an engagement ring. The rock doesn’t go on her finger, however. If she is interested, she takes the gift and places it to the nest. Subsequently, following some finishing touches, they are ready to raise a family.
Regarding bling, crows excel in this department. There are many stories of people who made friends with wild corvids and later received bottle tops, fasteners, fastenings and other shiny items. In one notable case, two people in Florida were once given a bracelet with a diamond by a crow they fed regularly. This is especially charming since, whereas many creatures give presents in the hope of scoring, crows apparently just enjoy giving.
The Pinnacle of Multipurpose Present: Sponges
In Western Australia, dolphins have been spotted collecting pieces of marine sponge from the seabed and using them in interesting ways. Sometimes, when they’re rummaging for fish, they wear the sponges over their rostrum to help protect their sensitive snouts. At other times, when males want to court females, they don them as playful headwear before presenting them as presents.
By doing this, dolphins ingeniously merge the last two categories of holiday gifts. Sea sponges are clothing and skincare. And if that’s not enough, when males give their sponge gifts, they often strike a U-shaped “banana pose” and play a whistling sound via their blowhole.
This is not the half-arsed giving of domestic animals – such as a cat leaving a deceased rodent in an obscure corner – or some people. Dolphin gifts are thoughtful, multipurpose, ethically gathered and delivered with flair. We can all learn for all of us. A famous singer may have said the only desire during the holidays “is you”, however, my one Christmas wish, is to be given a sponge-based headwear and skin guard from a cetacean that serenades me in a stylish manner.
